It is the fear of not being good enough. A fear that creeps up on Alex every single time she looks into Amy’s eyes. Right now, she definitely doesn’t qualify as good enough. Right now, she’s sick. Probably even dying. The last few days have been hard. There’s been unrestrained crying and denial. Unexplainable hoping and wishing. Dr. De Weerdt is flying in tomorrow. Alex begged him, in the middle of the night to pack up his stuff and fly to America. He did. Continue reading “AA-meetings – Chapter 20: Atelophobia”→
Everything Leads to You by Nina Lacour is a wonderful read. Really, it is.
Our heroin is the girl we all were once: the young lesbian, Emi, in love with a girl that just isn’t worth it. Margaux is older than her and they’ve been dating for a while but the problem is: Margaux doesn’t love Emi. And yes, maybe she knows it, deep down. But the thing is: that doesn’t stop her heart from wanting, craving, begging young Emi for it to be different. Now, looking back at my younger self, I can honestly say that breaking up and getting back together 5 or 6 times (like Margaux and Emi) is in fact a reason to question the level of profound love. But as a young girl, desperately following your heart instead of your brain from time to time, it’s easy to assume that things will work out great. Continue reading “Everything Leads To You – Nina Lacour”→
The sound of a ringtone reverberates through the luxurious living room. Since Amy is tangled up with brushing her teeth, Alex runs toward the couch to find the little device. Covered in a stylish jumpsuit, she starts to throw pillows around to orientate the sound. There it is.
When she sees the word ‘Mom’ appear on screen, a minor panic attack sneaks up on her and she drops it immediately, like it’ll bite her. Alex and Amy’s parents haven’t talked in forever. Chances are they don’t even know Amy’s with them. She sits down on the leather couch and hides the screen with the pillows. They must hate her as much as Amy hated her. They don’t know the complete story yet. Continue reading “AA-meetings – Chapter 11: All-Consuming Bliss”→
“Did Amy accompany you to the doctor’s office?” George asks his daughter the second she walks in that evening.
Alex turns her head the other way and softly hums. Rick Spencer and her father decided it’d be preferable for her to see a doctor. There’s been a persistent infection under her arm for a while now – Alex is sure it’s from shaving – and the overly energetic girl has been feeling tired for ages. She wakes up in a cold sweat from time to time and hasn’t eaten in days. Uncle Aaron is worried too, but he’s just a pediatrician. His suggestion was for her to see a colleague of his. A ‘big people doctor’, as Eli likes to tease him.
“What’s that?” my mom asks as she calmly leans against the doorway of the porch.
I’m sitting in the backyard, motionlessly staring at the trees in front of me. Strangely, it doesn’t remind me of John’s fortress. These trees feel warm and nice. John’s trees felt harsh and like a rope around my neck. They represented the cage I was locked up in. A large barrier I couldn’t break through.
I sneak a peek and throw her a cautious smile. I notice she’s staring at the hoodie I’m wearing.
We’ve been actively trying to avoid each other’s curious stares and almost attempts to speak with each other. We fail terribly. I like her. A little bit too much.
John’s been home a lot lately. Seems like it isn’t working out well at his job. Could it be his personality? More frustrated and annoyed than ever, he’s determined to treat us even more as house slaves. After the massive beating, he doesn’t even bother talking to me anymore. He just smiles victoriously every time I pass him, checking out the bruises and poking the parts where I hurt most. Shoes are no longer allowed for me. I need to walk around on bare feet. Yesterday, he dropped a beer bottle on purpose, right after he finished it. I had to clean it up, but the dust bin lay in the closet across the room and by the time I got there, my feet were bleeding and stinging like crazy. Lauren picked the splinters out of my flesh later that night. It didn’t hurt as much as I expected. Especially when she looked at me with her precious eyes and kissed me softly on the lips a second later.