Everything Leads to You by Nina Lacour is a wonderful read. Really, it is.
Our heroin is the girl we all were once: the young lesbian, Emi, in love with a girl that just isn’t worth it. Margaux is older than her and they’ve been dating for a while but the problem is: Margaux doesn’t love Emi. And yes, maybe she knows it, deep down. But the thing is: that doesn’t stop her heart from wanting, craving, begging young Emi for it to be different. Now, looking back at my younger self, I can honestly say that breaking up and getting back together 5 or 6 times (like Margaux and Emi) is in fact a reason to question the level of profound love. But as a young girl, desperately following your heart instead of your brain from time to time, it’s easy to assume that things will work out great. Continue reading “Everything Leads To You – Nina Lacour”→
There is only one feeling that absorbs her completely. It is pain. Utter pain of constantly throwing up and feeling like her body is under attack. Her muscles and gullet hurt from the constant vomiting. Her essence is gone, her determination is destroyed.
“Oh, God, make it stop,” Alex prays to the ceiling while backing away from the tray she just dirtied completely.
She’s exhausted and she hasn’t even left the bed in days. Her dad is standing nearby, helplessly observing her every move. The warm pajamas she’s wearing still aren’t enough to stop her from shaking like crazy. It’s fever. It’s always fever. Her fingers push back the hat that’s supposed to cover her bald head. Continue reading “AA-meetings – Chapter 13: Alternative Plan”→
The sound of a ringtone reverberates through the luxurious living room. Since Amy is tangled up with brushing her teeth, Alex runs toward the couch to find the little device. Covered in a stylish jumpsuit, she starts to throw pillows around to orientate the sound. There it is.
When she sees the word ‘Mom’ appear on screen, a minor panic attack sneaks up on her and she drops it immediately, like it’ll bite her. Alex and Amy’s parents haven’t talked in forever. Chances are they don’t even know Amy’s with them. She sits down on the leather couch and hides the screen with the pillows. They must hate her as much as Amy hated her. They don’t know the complete story yet. Continue reading “AA-meetings – Chapter 11: All-Consuming Bliss”→
As the girls make their way across town, some people recognize the toned down version of a supermodel. A few brave fans ask for autographs or selfies. Though it seems a bit uneasy and annoying after a while, Alex happily gives in to every request. These fans pay the bills, she resonates. They are the reason why the fashion industry thinks so much of her. Amy just thinks it’s weird. Like, how awkward must it be when every single person in this world knows your name and the way you look in your underwear? Back when they were dating, Alex’s star was starting to rise, but it hadn’t reached the level she’s at now. Two months ago, she owned the Victoria Secret’s fashion show – she had been told so anyway. Millions of men and women watched and drooled over her confident, super sexy routine. Amy didn’t. The bitterness and resentful feelings from before kept her from giving in to the curiosity. Now that they have established this sort of being back together thing, she can’t wait to stream the show online. Continue reading “AA-meetings – Chapter 10: About The Girl”→
The most massive headache is starting to develop itself inside of Amy’s head. She ran into the bathroom the minute Alex uttered the earth-shattering reason why she left. It doesn’t make any sense to her. Her memory, her mind, they all made up versions. Versions that had nothing to do with any of this. They pictured Alex as a fucked up little brat, ready to dive head-first into the world of modeling at the cost of leaving everything and everyone behind. They came up with the image of that Latina hotness, ditching her loved ones and her education to chase the big piles of money that were luring her in. And maybe there was even one version … one that had kept her up for nights, that made her wish from the bottom of her heart she was wrong about: that Alex simply didn’t love her enough to stay. That it had all been a teenage romance to her and Amy’s feelings were so much stronger than hers. Continue reading “AA-meetings – Chapter 9: Apart Until Now”→
“Did Amy accompany you to the doctor’s office?” George asks his daughter the second she walks in that evening.
Alex turns her head the other way and softly hums. Rick Spencer and her father decided it’d be preferable for her to see a doctor. There’s been a persistent infection under her arm for a while now – Alex is sure it’s from shaving – and the overly energetic girl has been feeling tired for ages. She wakes up in a cold sweat from time to time and hasn’t eaten in days. Uncle Aaron is worried too, but he’s just a pediatrician. His suggestion was for her to see a colleague of his. A ‘big people doctor’, as Eli likes to tease him.
It’s one p.m. when a soaking wet Alex shoots up in her bed. She’s panting uncontrollably, with eyes wide open. It takes a while before she realizes where she is. Then, the old memories of her teenage bedroom appear to be real. It’s not a dream. Not anymore.
She quickly throws her feet out of the bed and runs some fingers through her voluminous hair. The tiny knots of her hair extensions interrupt the smooth gesture. Not a lot has changed around the place. Not the people that live here, not the way it smells like cinnamon wherever you go, not the boisterous sounds reverberating from room to room. A pack of men and one girl. A pack of Spanish wolves. Just one thing. One person that used to always be here.
Their first night together certainly wasn’t the last. After another few secretly sleepless hours in one bed, the girls yawn over the break of day. Alex barely has enough time to crawl out of bed, sneak out of the house and get a shower at her place. She told her dad she was spending the night at Amy’s. Problem is, Amy told her parents the truth about their relationship. How it has evolved from friendship over being soulmates to being in love. Now, the Wolfe family has been wonderful over that revelation, it’s just that Amy feels a bit weird now, asking permission to let Alex spend the night. It used to be a thing that came naturally. Alex came by, Alex spent the night – nothing weird about it.
Word’s going around about Alex’s first big photoshoot. Any second now and her face will be glued all over town. Any second and hell will break lose in this school over it. She’s always been one of the popular girls, but this will bring it to a whole new level. The girl can’t wait for what’s next concerning her career. That feeling of an entire crew being at your disposal, just to get one perfect shot – it’s amazing. Modeling is, weirdly enough, hard work. You can spend hours waiting time before you even get on set – before the client, the model and the photographer are pleased about the result. She doesn’t mind, though. She could stare at the lens and take positions for an eternity. Just like she could stare into Amy’s eyes for just as long.